I will be honest & admit I don't have all of the answers; however, I am willing to learn & do the work. Did you know when parents separate or divorce the children blame themselves?
The child goes from being happy to sad & other mixed feelings. Seeing domestic violence or hearing yelling affects a child. When a child hear someone say you ain't s**t, I hate you, you wouldn't have this without me, you won't never be anything, you are ugly, you are dumb, & much more negative things (What do you think this does to the child?)
Think back on your childhood & reflect on what you were expose to & how it still causes issues today. Ask yourself the hard questions & don't run from them.
Raising yourself to become a healthy adult can be a lot within itself. If you saw fighting as a child, you may have grown up & thought it was cool. There is nothing cool with someone getting beat on or beating on someone else. We each went through some kind of trauma as a child, but it took for something to shatter to pieces in our adult lives to admit it.
You have to reparent yourself daily & still show up being a parent to your child/children. This journey hasn't been easy because I had to unlearn so much that was passed down to me from generation to generation. I didn't see healing as a child but decided in my adult life I would heal & become better. My children were use to being in one household with their parents & for over 3 in a half years they have lived in two separate homes. These are things people don't share but I will. I never wanted my children to experience being raised in two households, because I experienced it myself as a child. I stayed in my old marriage as long as I could so they could have both parents, but today I must admit that was wrong. I knew it wasn't working & should've walked away years ago. Our children sometimes feel burden by the decisions we make as adults.
I speak the way I do because I went from an unhealthy life to a healthy journey & changing my life & others. I suffered in silence for so long that I was numb to the pain it caused. I will continue to use my platform to shed light on things because it is bigger than me. If you are in a domestic violence situation, you can get out of it & start your life over. I want you to know that our children pay attention to what we do not say. If a child sees their parents fighting & you stay together, it teaches the child that she or he should stay if they experience that too. You have to talk to your child or children because they see more than you know. It takes for you to have uncomfortable conversations to be honest.
Some people have lost their lives in a domestic situation so if you survived yours & got out to live today (make sure each day you really take a moment to hug & love on yourself). You are still here to share your story in some way. None of us are perfect & all have work to do within ourselves. You deserve better than to disrespect yourself or to allow others to do it. You have the strength to turn your weaknesses into power one step at a time.
Being in a toxic environment does more harm than good. Just because you saw it as a child doesn't mean you have to keep living it in your own life. You can decide today to no longer live toxic & invest in yourself to become more. We all have struggled with something, but the first step is admitting it & finding ways to get out of it. It is on each of us to decide to do better & apply the knowledge instead of staying quiet. Have a conversation with your child without yelling & just listen. The children feel so much & they may not look the same. These things have damaged the child & the people experiencing it. Look at yourself & ask are you living in your truth????
Children, please know that you matter & you are loved. You are genius's & matter. You are the kings & queens. You are special & can be anything in this world. You can take a negative situation & turn it into something greater. You have everything you need in you. I apologize if an adult fell short to provide the proper tools but the truth is many of them had no clue. They were lost in their own way & don't always change for the better. Some people may be stuck in their ways, but I need you to know that it doesn't define you. Be better than your parents & whoever raised you.